so first things first: it's a girl. so that's pretty exciting.
i made pizza today. it was good, not great, and now i have horrible gas. too much information? too bad. it's not like you can unread it.
i just finished reading "stiff." it was surprisingly really really good. and then, without thinking why, i started reading "a grief observed." you'd think i was obsessing over death, but i'm really not. you have to admit though, no matter what religious or philosophical beliefs you agree with, death will always be an interesting topic. it's just so profound no matter how you look at it.
there was a quote in "a grief observed"...as in, c.s. lewis quoted someone within the book, saying something along the lines of "i stay up all night with a toothache thinking about my toothache and how i'm staying up all night." there's some truth in there. just the way that an affliction leads to suffering. it's a positive feedback loop (is that redundant? can you have a negative feedback loop? or just negative feedback?). the more you suffer, the more your mind focuses on that suffering, which only intensifies the pain. that's exactly how my sleep issues go. the proof is the fact that i'm writing this sentence right now. it's about 3:30 in the morning, i'm not asleep, i'm stressing about not being asleep, and it's making it harder to get to sleep. the problem with my issue is that that stress has built up over the past 12-ish years so that it's really a constant thing. it's not like an occasional bad night. before i even think about going to bed, there's already that worry that i won't fall asleep. and so i don't. anyways, enough of that.
how am i supposed to be responisible for giving a name to another human being? i'm never satisfied with the arbitrary decisions i make. and this is so permanent. "hey gertrude, can you come here for a second? your mother and i have decided that you're named gretchen now. well, for the rest of the month at least. there are some talks of switching over to winifred." yeah.
that's all.
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1 comment:
Why are there not thousands of comments on your blog? You ARE a great writer. I am a huge fan. When you got home from your mission I was sad that I didn't get to read your weekly emails anymore. Your writing is so witty and thought provoking. Thanks for keeping a blog...I think this is the first time I have come across it.
Oh, and just so you know, even after your little Gertrude, Harriet, Winnifred is officially named and blessed, I guarantee that you will still look at her and try out Clare, Matilda and Zoe wondering if you picked the right name. That is just the nature of the responsiblity.
P.S. sorry you can't sleep. ):
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